So, you think you’re a zombie, do you? I have my doubts, but here is a test to make sure:
When you hold you breath until you are in blue in the face, do you ever turn blue in the face?
On Census form, do you mark “Other” more than three times?
When the doctor takes your blood pressure and pulse, does he soon develop a very worried expression and start to consult medical books?
Have you ever actually given your right arm to have something?
Do any of your toes, particularly the small ones, fall off at any time during sleep?
When you walk into a room, do people wave their hands in front of scrunched-up faces and say, “Oh, what just died?”
In videos, are you the only one who appears to have been filmed in black and white?
Do you avoid zombie movies because they never have a happy ending?
When you walk, is it more of a shamble?
On your birth certificate under “Race,” does it say “Zombie”?
0 yesses: You’re alive.
1-3 yesses: You’re alive but have a few zombie tendencies.
4-7 yesses: If you aren’t a zombie, you really should be. Or take a lot better care of yourself.
8-10 yesses: Welcome to Zombietown. Population: You.